You're Not Alone

Ever feel like no one really understands. Ever feel like you're all alone?

October 31st, 2007 was when one wild ride started for me. After many tests and different doctors I found out that I had Transverse Myelitis, a spinal disorder similar to Multiple Sclerosis. There were numerous symptoms including numbness, painful spasms, cramps, different parts of my body feeling like they were asleep, a tight band feeling around my waist, the sensation that my spinal cord was on fire and that it would burn through the cushions on the couch, frosty/freezing feeling in throat, extreme fatigue, body feeling so heavy all over-almost like I had lead feet, dizziness and many other things.

I was prescribed many different medications to bring some relief but discovered that my body just couldn't handle most of them. One even gave me the scariest night of my life, but that's another story. My doctors discovered that my body was sensitive to medication. 3, out of who knows how many, actually worked and have lessened the pain.

I was 22 years old, as healthy as could be before it happened. I worked part time at Community of Grace, was a Youth Leader, mentored, lead worship for youth group, cleaned houses for some extra money, went on many trips, hung out with friends. I was living life. I was busy. I was always on the run. And then BAM! I wasn't... Everything stopped all at once. I didn't have the energy, to say the least, to do anything but sleep and sit. I had to quit my jobs, I couldn't think straight to mentor. I was stripped of everything.

I was terrified, confused and tired. I knew that friends, family, even my doctor couldn't really understand what all I was going through physically and emotionally. I was waking up every morning hoping that it was all just a nightmare and moving my legs and realizing that it was all too real. I cried, journaled, cried, slept, cried. I was just getting through the days. Seemed that's all I could do at the time.

I'm 24 now and have recovered some. I have been able to do more and drive again. It's still a roller coaster though. I could be close to normal for weeks and then... not. I've got enough material to write a book. My gram thinks I should. I should just publish my journals.

So, I have been in that boat where I feel like no one understands. No one fully gets what's going on with me. The pain and feelings inside that I can't even really describe. I can talk their ears off, I could write a book for them to read but the truth is, they are not going to really understand. And yes, that can just add more pain to my current situation if I let it. I can easily think that I'm all alone on this boat on this reckless sea. But I'm not...

Jesus is sitting right next to me. Catching every tear from my pain and frustration. Making sure I don't fly off into the chaotic waters. He knows EXACTLY what I'm going through, what I'm feeling. I don't even have to say a word. Just looking into His eyes I know that He understands. I am comforted in His presence.

So when you think no one really understands, there is Someone who does.

When you think you're all alone, you're not.