AgentRockstar's blog

I watched Snow White today. The cartoon, Disney one. I found out that her and I have some things in common. We both love to clean and we do a good job at it. We both love to sing. We both have dreams that we know will come true someday. We both fell asleep. She woke up, but I haven’t… and I’m going to say yet.

I feel like I'm on top of a fence. Just teetering back and forth, trying to stay balanced but can't seem to master it. On one side is the disability and limitations. On the other side is perfect health and all my dreams. I've stayed on this fence ever since this disability hit me. I've never told myself that this is the way it's always going to be. I didn't want to drop down and accept it and be stuck. I wanted to teeter so that I could still see my dreams and pray for a full recovery.

These last few weeks have been very boring for me. With dizziness that comes and goes throughout the day and pain from cramps and spasms, I've been stuck at home. Every. Day. Being in a car makes the dizziness worse. When I'm feeling okay I'll watch movies, read, play a video game, play my guitar, etc. Most of the time it's something real low-key. I really do love hearing about what's going on in my friends lives, but sadly my side of the conversation has been very dull lately. I haven't had much of anything to talk about...

Ever feel like no one really understands. Ever feel like you're all alone?

October 31st, 2007 was when one wild ride started for me. After many tests and different doctors I found out that I had Transverse Myelitis, a spinal disorder similar to Multiple Sclerosis. There were numerous symptoms including numbness, painful spasms, cramps, different parts of my body feeling like they were asleep, a tight band feeling around my waist, the sensation that my spinal cord was on fire and that it would burn through the cushions on the couch, frosty/freezing feeling in throat, extreme fatigue, body feeling so heavy all over-almost like I had lead feet, dizziness and many other things.