Family and the Orphan Spirit
Hello church Family,
I use the term “family” because that we what we are giving attention to. Those of who have been following the content of the teachings this past month will note that at the top of our list, we are working to shift the culture of the church to relate as family and at the foundation to build a culture of honor. What handicaps the church to relate to each other as family is a deficit in a culture of honor. This is one area that we are intentionally working to address. If we are going to build a culture of honor, we promote things that honor others and we correct those when they dishonor others. Whatever we do should reinforce the building of the culture of honor, not undermine it.
Relationships require guidelines. Families with no guidelines live in chaos. Parents are obligated to train up their children in the way they should go. The irresponsible parent lets “anything go.” Family is not a democracy. My boys cannot use any language they want in the house. My boys can get mad at each other and frustrated with each other. What is not allowed is degrading, humiliating, or shaming language. That is called abuse. The bottom line is that we train our children to honor their parents and to honor one other in love.
Until my children can do it on their own, we enforce our family guidelines to train them in relationship. The goal is that they learn to do it independently. How you react to guidelines tells me how much you understand about how to live in a family. The orphan spirit looks at the guidelines and reacts with, “You are trying to control me. You are only about rules of ‘don’t do this and don’t do that.’” As I have said in the past weeks, the biggest obstacle to building a culture of honor is the orphan spirit. That’s why we are giving attention to it. Whether you see guidelines as control or as boundaries depend on how much you have embraced a spirit of adoption. We all come into our relationship with God with that orphan spirit, but we must pursue the spirit of adoption. When you can walk in the spirit of adoption, you can receive from those in authority. An orphan spirit has authority issues and have difficulty receiving from authority figures and receiving correction.
The problem is when parents and church leaders have orphan spirits themselves. They really don’t know how to do relationship as family. They relate in such a way where rules and acceptance becomes based on performance and contribution. The result is that kids and sheep become wounded and don’t trust very well. The wounded heart tends to see any guideline as an attempt to control rather than as a protective boundary. Who can blame them? It’s their experience. Overcoming this mentality is a big hurdle. Left unaddressed, it becomes a cycle, repeating itself.
In our church’s recovery program, a major value is to create a safe environment. Groups have guidelines to create such an environment. Because of this, there is a great hypersensitivity to abusive language. It pushes all sorts of buttons when people no longer feel safe in an environment. What has separated our recovery program from AA is that there are guidelines to facilitate discussion and parameters on dumping.
If we are in the family of God, then we should follow our Heavenly Father’s guidelines. Right? Wow! Imagine that… Our Heavenly Father has given us parameters to relate to one another. Here is the bottom line on this one: If God has addressed it, why shouldn’t we promote it? Should we lower the standards of heaven or uphold them? Here’s what His Word says,
“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29-30 NASB)
Wow, this would be a great memory verse! What if we could ever get this one down? This verse alone has caused many to pursue negativity fasts. This passage is given because cursing attracts demons while blessing attracts angels. Luke 6:37,38 tells us that what comes from us comes back to us, in abundance. We reap the benefits of blessing or the torment of cursing in a greater measure than what comes out of our mouth. It’s our choice.
Jesus said in Matthew 12, “”And I say to you, that every careless word that men shall speak, they shall render account for it in the day of judgment. “For by your words you shall be justified, and by your words you shall be condemned.”” (Matthew 12:36-37 NASB)
Do you think God takes our words seriously? James 3 speaks of the power of the tongue to bless or to destroy. There is no weapon that the enemy uses that has such a devastating effect as the weapon of our words. The heartbreaker is that in the end we are the ones who become victimized by our own words. Not many of you have seen what I have seen in confronting the demons who have unleashed their devastation on the unaware soul who have been victimized by their own words. The demonic do not play fair and intend to kill, steal, and destroy.
Children have to be trained in how they use their words. Not as weapons, but at tools to call into their life the fullness of God. It isn’t about tools as much as it is about what’s in the heart. Tools in the hands of an orphan spirit can be used to manipulate and control. But tools in the hands of one with a spirit of adoption can do great things.
If the church is to be an appropriate place to share my stuff so that others can come alongside of me, the question that then comes up is, “Just how much should I share about what I’m going through?” That’s a great question and I don’t have a great answer. I guess if we are to err on this one, it would be better to err on the side of “bearing one another’s burdens.” Sharing is better than stuffing. Honesty is better than dishonesty. However honesty about your situation should not include a dishonoring word regarding a person or portions of the body of Christ. It is OK to share your feelings, your heartaches, and even your struggles with God. It is hard to pray, encourage, and speak life into one’s situation if we are unaware of what another is going through. This is where we weep with those who weep, mourn with those who mourn, and laugh with those who laugh.
We all need people in our lives who can take us to the deeper levels to process the stuff we are going through. If you don’t think there are any around you who would be willing to go deeper, just ask. You might be surprised who will commit themselves to come alongside of you. More people care than one might think.
Remember that Jesus loves His church. It offends Him when others talk badly about His bride. We should be offended as well. We aren’t perfect and Lord knows, His bride has some work to do in order to fulfill her purpose. However, the only thing that comes out of His mouth in reference to her is blessing. We would do well to learn from Him and follow His example. So the bottom line is that we must honor one another, honor the church, and honor our Savior. Dishonor is never appropriate. It’s Ok to share the pain. Our intercessors want to know. Don’t forget to share the testimonies, we need to know that as well!
Working on shepherding and protecting the flock,
Rodney